When Change Feels Lonely: Navigating Family and Growth

As we grow, we also evolve, and that’s a good thing. But sometimes, it’s hard to accept that who we were no longer fits who we’re becoming. Old patterns and habits no longer align with where we’re headed, and that forces us to reflect on things we’ve tolerated in the past. Family environments may feel different, or we may see them in an entirely new light—for better or for worse. This change can be uncomfortable, but it’s a natural part of growth. It’s the growing pains that come with stepping into the person we’re meant to be.

A big part of this journey is realizing that not everyone in our lives will understand or be on the same page with us—even those we were once closest to. It can be frustrating when family, long-time friends, or loved ones aren’t as supportive of your healing as you hoped they would be. Some days you may feel like you are struggling to overcome setbacks, while other days you might feel like the people closest to you are the ones causing them. This can leave you feeling like you’re walking this path alone—isolated or misunderstood.

As hard as it may be, that’s part of growing. You’re not meant to stay the same.

When you start to change, the people around you, especially family, may not get it. They’re used to the version of you that’s comfortable or familiar to them. But the truth is, you’re the one changing, and that shift can be difficult for them to accept. It’s natural to want their support, but sometimes they can’t give it to you. They may not be ready to change with you or accept this new version of you. Sometimes, they don’t know how to show up for you the way you need them to. They may still fall short of meeting your needs—even if you feel like those needs are minimal. And that can be heartbreaking. It can make you feel disappointed, hurt, angry, or even resentful. But here’s the thing—they’re on their own path.

While it’s hard to accept, sometimes they just can’t walk it at the same pace or even in the same direction as you.

If you’re feeling frustrated or guilty about setting boundaries with family, that’s perfectly normal. Guilt and grief often go hand in hand, especially when you have to let go of certain family dynamics, shift your expectations, and in some cases distance yourself from the things that are no longer serving you. There’s a grieving process that comes with realizing your family might not change in the way you hoped.

It’s a hard truth to accept, but you can't control other people even if you want better for them. But All you can do is control how you respond and what you need to do to protect your own peace.

If your family can’t meet you where you need them to, it’s okay to give yourself some space or lean on others who can. Ultimately, the only thing you can count on in this life is change. You’ll keep evolving, and so will the people around you. The version of you that your family once loved might look different now, and they’ll need to learn to accept that if they want to continue to share space with you.

Change is hard, but it’s necessary. The more you embrace it, the more you can lead by example. You don’t have to wait for others to change. The work you do on yourself has a ripple effect. It can inspire those around you, even if they’re not ready to make those changes themselves.

Remember, the work you’re doing on yourself is your own. It’s about showing up for you, taking care of you, and setting an example for your younger self and those around you. Lead with love—not only for the potential of what your relationships could be if they were healthier, but also for yourself and how far you’ve come.

In the end, keep showing up for yourself. Keep growing, keep evolving, and continue to set the example of healthy change.